Avenging Twilight
by Glimare
Summary: One Shot: Tony manipulates the team to watch Twilight. Fury finds out. Humor ensues. Little bashing.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own twilight or Avengers.

it's here because I don't think it could be read elsewhere. Enjoy the twilight bashing. A friend of mine and I talked about this. Sounded so much better in the car.

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**Avenging Twilight**

It took him an hour to find them, but he did. The Avengers were supposed to be joining him for a briefing, but for some reason they were unavailable. IE, he couldn't contact them and their locators were somehow inactive. He had to hack into Jarvis to get an idea what was going on. And when he got there, he had to blast the door down. Fury was furious.

"What's the hell is going on?!" he shouted angrily at the team of heroes, then stopped himself as he took in the scene. The Avengers weren't in trouble, not really. They were in a private theater, watching a tween movie. A lame tween movie. And each hero had a different reaction to it.

Hawkeye and Black Widow had somehow fashioned projectile weapons from things around the room and were firing popcorn and Reeces Pieces at the screen, their weapons mysteriously missing. Captain America hand his head in his hands, periodically looking up, then going back to his hands, groaning loudly. Banner was asleep at the very back, earplugs in place and sprawled across the seats. The real kicker though was Thor sitting next to Stark.

"And they truly sparkle like that?"

"Oh yeah! They totally do." Tony grinned as he pointed out the lead male role. "You see, this is why they don't like the sun. Because they sparkle and blind each other with their gay awesomeness. All they have to do to win a war is take off their shirts and bite people at high noon."

"Drinking blood seems a poor way to gain sustenance," Thor insisted, still watching the screen. "And exposing one's self in order to gain an obscure advantage over your enemy is mighty risky. I see no good in this creature's position. He is merely a shiny lad with long teeth.

"And that woman is foolish for following him." He pointed to the teenaged girl on the screen participating in a three way staring contest. Natasha was particularly vicious while shooting things at her while Barton snickered hitting the shiny one with peanut butter candies. "Are all young females of Midgard so needy for male companionship?"

"Oh sure!" Tony grinned from ear to ear. "You should have seen them in high school, just throwing themselves at me. The coeds in college? Worse! I swear, half of them were only there for their MRS. And man was I good pickings. They were always needy and grabby and selfish, but oh so cute! And when I wasn't around, several of them debated suicide. Being God's gift to women is such a -OW!"

Quickly the billionaire glared over to Natasha who was flinging more and more movie treats at him by the second. "What was that for?!"

"Do I really have to explain?" Behind the warrior woman, their archer snickered knowingly. "Quit warping Thor's mind. He has enough trouble around us."

"Is Stark telling me falsehoods?" Thor demanded innocently.

"Yes..." Steve groaned, really tired of this. "He's lying."

"I'm not lying!" Tony insisted, feigning innocence. "I do know of teenage girls who would die without their BFs. They're hysterical to watch!"

"Am I right in assuming all of this was Stark's idea?" They all turned to see Fury glaring over them from the aisle. "And he somehow convinced three highly trained soldiers to leave their weapons and communicators somewhere else, locked you all in here, and kept you here without so much as a fight?"

"He said it was a team building exercise," Steve murmured, not happy about this at all.

"We were drugged," Widow stated evenly, glaring at the usually armored man. Hawkeye said nothing, just shot more pieces at the screen. Judging by the smile lines on his face, he was having fun regardless of the movie in progress.

The one eyed soldier glared down on Stark with a vengeance. The instigator of all of this just smiled at him sweetly, offering him popcorn. "You have to admit, it's a pretty fun movie to make fun of."

"So is this or is this not a true account of a maiden and her feeble vampuric lover?"

Nearly everyone conscious groaned. Nearly. Tony just grinned. Steve looked up beggingly at the S.H.I.E.L.D. director. "Can I go now?"

"Ye-"

"OOooo! Twilight!" Agent Coulson slipped past the director, took the popcorn still offered up in Tony's hand, and sat down to enjoy the movie. "Why didn't you invite me earlier?"

With that declaration, Natasha and Clint took aim at their newest audience member settling in. Steve made a mad dash for the door, giving Fury an apologetic look. Thor still looked lost at everything going on while Tony just grinned. This was more fun than he intended.

END


End file.
